The Official Fanfiction Academy of PJO
by Sage Nicholson
Summary: Yeah, I am not creative with titles. An OFA is a place where young, dimwitted fanbrats come to learn, to grow, and to embrace the canon, usually through Pain. Reclusive English Major Amy Meyers has just been invited to attend. Trouble is, she's not a fanbrat- just a troll, and everyone thinks she's her alter-ego!
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, ladies and gents, here's the deal:**

**Some of my longtime readers might know, I usually take four hiatuses per year, one for each season. Its not because I don't want to write, but because I need to takea break for various reasons. And since I've already slacked off for a while, I've decided to post the Official Fanfiction Academy before the Moondaughter 2 Spork, because it has an SYOC and thus I can take a month off while waiting for responses. I'm so sorry to anyone who wanted to see Moondaughter 2, I promise, it is coming soon. Sort of. **

**Anywho, enjoy this self insert semi-revenge fic! **

* * *

_And ten, teh evil was... dafeeted! _

_"Ha, skrew u, haterz! Yo cant dafeat me! I lafed in the titanz hatr faces. Thy thot they cold defeet mew, but i waz a doter of Zues, Poisoden AND Hades! (authors not: its not incest ok so stop sayin it is!)_

_Percy turned to me wit his grean etyes swimpin wit joy all kawaii. "Yes finaly now we can be marrrried, Cathy" he sad wit muc happinessness and no incest! Tehn he kissed me and we hoked up in front of teh hole demigod army an they all calpped bcuz tey new we were the cutest coople evar, accept Annabet hoo wa still bittr aboot Perc dumpin hr fr me but it was obvs hr falut bc she chetted on him with Jason, an also Grover, an she even tried to saduce Leo like wtf! But he stay with Reyna cuz they were perfect for eech other._

_An tehn we got maryed an esended to Olypus an the wingding waz very epik but im savn it for next chapter!1_

"Ohhh. This is _perfect_!" Amy Meyers rubbed her eyes to fight the sleep. She always wrote the latest chapters of her fanfic after midnight. The detriments to her writing skill brought on sleep deprivation helped the fic feel more authentic. Honestly, after a year of writing as Cathy, aka "xxSilverFoxxx", her frabricated faux-weaboo alter ego, the troll had almost taken on a life of her own. Amy knew her inside and out, her hopes, her fears, her over described wardrobe. She honestly felt like a real person. The fact that her true identity was such a closely guarded secret helped. Many of _The Hair to Olympus_'s "fans" had tried to suss out the truth in the comments section. Some thought she was legit, which was an odd combination of gratifying and sobering. Some had actually noticed the trivia easter eggs she had sprinkled through the story and suggested she was an Classics major with too much spare time on her hands. English, actually, but, close enough. Some even theorized she was Uncle Rick himself! Amy'd had a good laugh out of that one.

She sat quietly for a moment, collecting her thoughts, glancing toward the hallway outside her dorm, where the automatic lights had turned on. Probably one of the girls next door coming back late and sloppy drunk after attending a frat party, despite Freshmen having a (supposed) curfew. Sure enough, the sounds of giggling and stumbling heels could be heard moments later. Amy rolled her eyes. Jesus, imagine having a roommate like that, barging in at all hours of the night, screeching at the top of her lungs, smelling like booze and idiocy.

_And this is why I specifically requested a single._

Amy had no wish to become a social butterfly like Sydney, said obnoxious neighbor. She was an unassuming, quiet girl who liked unassuming, quiet things. She didn't go to parties or other get-togethers and sat alone at lunch. Her only social media accounts were the anonymous ones and AO3. She never went up to talk to people, and most just didn't notice her, and she rather preferred it that way. That's not to say she didn't have friends, she did, it's just they were all at different schools and she mostly kept in touch through email. She wasn't lonely, just very picky about who she hung out with.

She was about to close her computer when she noticed a new PM in her inbox. Amy rolled her eyes. Just another flame. xxSilverFoxxx may have been a terrible writer but that was no excuse for people to spam her with insults. But she had to say, this flame was particularly interesting.

_Dear Ms. "xxSilverfoxxx"_

_We have read your work thoroughly and deemed it to be in the worst possible taste. It is evident you are incapable of basic grammar, pacing or characterization. Unless you wish to have your Fanfiction license revoked, please enroll in The Official Fanfiction Academy of PJO immediately. Below is a link to the enrollment form._

Usually, Amy would roll her eyes and write a whiny, defensive and thoroughly misspelled response, but something told her the threat to take her stories down was serious. The sender was, unusually, anonymous, but she suspected it was an Admin. The thought of having to transfer her fic to AO3 or Deviantart or (heaven help her) _Wattpad_ made her shudder, so she opened the link.

_It is essential you fill out the following questions honestly. The results from these questions will be used to determine which fan-disease you are suffering from._

Ooh, a personality quiz! Amy loved those. Maybe after filling it out in character she'd take it again for fun.

**_Username:_** _xxSilverfoxxx_

**_Real Name (first and last):_**_ Cathy Hogwood _

_**Age:** im 16_

**_How many books in the Rick Riordan Extended Universe have you read:_** _Ive red all tewh first 1 an also teh seven, butt not the new 1s wit Apolo cuz thers no Percy!_

**_Name all 13 of the major Olympian Gods:_**_ Thers Zeus an Poison an Hades, obvs, an then Siris the angry God an Athena an the ugly blacksmith, an Helios an Artmeis an the love goddess but theres no way in hell im spellin out Afrodiety an thats 13, erite? _

**_How many PJO fanfictions have you written? Please provide a BRIEF description of each:_**_ Well ive only written one fanfic its aboot Cathy but its suuuuuper long an totaly epick! _

_**Do you have an Original Characters? If so, describe them here: **My character is __Cathonia Oceania Alya Hibachi (but everyone calls her cathy)an shes the daugter of Zeus and Poiseind and Hades b__ut this is not incest, acutely, bc they mad her usin ther issence to dafeet the titanz cuz they were nut streng enuff butt i waz an also she is acutely goin to tak ovr olymps with my BF Percy after the war an posden an Hads were okay wit dis but not Xeus, teh jerk so she had to kll him an steel his lightnin. she is totes kawaii an badass with long flowin black hair wit natrul purple hughlights an one of my eys is blu like teh ocean an one is redgold like teh sun bleedin on a cloud on sunset an she is very tall an very sexly wit big curvey boobs an also she is wearin a super kawaii armoire made from teh blackest steel of teh Underworl an studdend wit perls from teh ocean an a miniskirt too an also she has kewl arm bracelts like wonder woman taht she got from teh Amazeons which she rules an also she is Percy's gf BUT ITS NOT INCEST!_

**_Who do you ship:_**_ Percy and mE!1! also Leo Reyna pretty good._

**_Who is your preferred lust object:_**_ PERCY. Hes so sexly an funny an i luv him!1!111!1111!1!1!_

**_What is your opinion on slash (I.E. shipping characters with the gender they are not canonically attracted to):_**_ I mean i dont do that kin of stufff but watever. _

**_Do you have any characters you hate? Please explain: _**_Ugh Annebeth she thinks she is so pretty an smart but shes not shes an stupid ugly blond an totally not deserves of Percy! She shold carawl bak to Luk who is also a basterd an they ca b3 evil an lame. Also Octavious._

**_Who would you say your Godly Parent is: _**_Well obvs 1 of teh Big Tree, but neaht Zues cause hes a Jack Ass, an Posdens powerz ar lamish I dont even like teh ocean so porbably, Hadez._

**_Do you have any specific allergies we should know about:_**_ WTF kind of question is taht?! _

It took a while for the data to be processed. Amy briefly wondered if her poor spelling had literally broken the quiz, but finally results popped up.

_Congratulations! You've been found guilty of Mary Sue (Percy), 1st degree Grammar Errors, Canon Defilement, and a Complete Lack of Classical Knowledge! See you at OFUPJO soon!_

OFUPJO? What was that? Amy must have been reading this wrong, she was very tired. Unnaturally tired, in fact, she thought as she felt a wave of black crashing into her consciousness and she drifted off into a dreamless slumber...

* * *

**I'm so sorry if my purposeful badfic writing made half of this chapter impossible to read, I promise it will never be used in this magnitude again.**

**So everybody, I am accepting character applications for OFUPJO! Simply fill out of the same form Amy did (in character, so I can get more of a feeling for them), but make sure to also add a physical description (out of character)! Please be aware that I may not feature your character prominently, or use them at all, but I will try. Applications will on March 1st!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I know, I know, I know. I promised a chapter on March 1st. It is now March 7th. I am a shameful, shameful human. I'd give an excuse for my laziness, but I don't have one. Please accept this chapter as an apology.**

* * *

"Jesus H. Christ!" A woman-girl-thing of indiscernible age slammed a stack of papers covered in vomit-inducing text onto the ground.

"Oh, sorry, am I allowed to say that here?" She asked, turning to Annabeth Chase, who was pouring over her own stack nearby.

Annabeth sighed. "Yes, for the last time, yes. You need to stop apologizing, Sage. The fanbrats will jump on any sign of weakness."

Sage Nicholson, our glorious author insert and new Headmistress of the Official PJO Fanfiction Academy sighed. "I'm just an apologetic person. I'm afraid I'm just not cut out to be a leader. Now get back to work reading these God awful stories!" she commanded, gesturing to the entire room. Most of the Athena cabin had been drafted into analyzing the applications and works of the soon to be arriving students, before joining the other demigods in the mass evacuation to Camp Jupiter. Nobody wanted to be here when the fanbrats showed up.

Nico Di Angelo marched into the room, Will Solace behind him, looking slightly more perturbed than usual.

"Why is there luggage in my cabin?!" he yelled. The room of Beta Reading Athena kids started. Nico never yelled. He growled, grumbled and snarled, but the emo teen rarely raised his voice.

Sage, despite the unusual volume, didn't seem to have understood him. "What?"

"There are suitcases all over the Hades cabin! Every bed has a duvet on it! You're telling me I have to _live _with the fanbrats!" He glared at her with his dark, tired eyes.

Sage scratched her head. "Didn't you get the email? All staff is going to be living here, in the big house."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Will cut in, "but you wouldn't listen." Nico frowned harder. Sage was always trying to get them to use email, or text, or some other form of mortal messaging. Either she didn't realize that demigods who had previously lived almost entirely without mobile devices weren't in the habit of responding to PMs, or she didn't care. Probably a little bit of both.

"Look, just grab your stuff now and then hurry back here. We've got a staff meeting in a couple minutes." She said, returning to slashing a slash-fic with a red pen.

Nico clenched his fist and stepped forward, but Solace put a soothing hand on his shoulder and steered him away.

"Come on, Nico, I'll help you."

Sage waved a paper covered in more red than the Elevators in the Shining.

"Get a load of this: _Grover Underwood gazed into his lover's glazing eyes and felt the explosions of a__ thousand soul he looked the beautiful man and said "I love you, Winston Churchill" and then the kissed and then they started to take off each others clothes and-_"

"Stop!" Annabeth cried, pressing her hands over her ears. "Oh Gods, just stop! Dei mei, where do they come up with this trash?!"

Sage shrugged. "Not even Tartarus is as deep and dark as the mind of badfic writer. Oooh, I should write that one down, use it in my next spork!" She did so, on her forearm, as Percy Jackson, Leo Valdez and Piper Mclean all walked in for the staff meeting.

"Hey babe," Percy gave Annabeth a quick kiss on the cheek as he sat next to her. "How's it going?"

"Torturous," she replied, returning the gesture of affection.

Sage looked up at the arriving members with a wide grin. "Leo! Ma man! You ready for your first day as a teacher?!" Sage was always exceptionally friendly to Leo, and anyone else from the Great State of Texas.

Leo gave a moan of mock shame. "I've become what I hate most!"

As the Athena kids finished their final papers and made their escape, the rest of the staff filed into the room. The Stoll Siblings, the Grace Siblings, the Gardner Siblings, other characters who were not pairs of siblings, basically any named camper from the books, including a few who were supposed to be dead. Silena Beauregard came arm in arm with her beau Beckendorf. Castor and Pollux were once again inseparable.

Sage scooched her way to the front of the room. "Hello! Is that everybody?"

"We're not here!" called Conner from the back of the room. Travis snickered at the lame joke. Sage ignored them.

"Aight. So, as you know, starting a sentence with 'as you know' is the laziest way to give exposition, be sure to discourage it in the student's writing. The students, by the way, will be arriving soon. There were a couple of last minute entries so, that brings the student body to a total of... 238." A few faculty members groaned at the digits.

"And remember," Sage added cheerfully, "these are just the worst of the worst. There are thousands of writers out there who are simply mediocre! Frankly, I kind of find those worse. Better to be memorable than just... nothing. Of course, my world isn't being torn apart by plot holes and Minifuries so I can't really speak. Which reminds me, who's the Minifury Wrangler? Butch? Yeah, how's that going?"

The big, quiet, Iris kid shrugged, the scratch marks on his bare arms speaking for themselves.

"Ah, better than last time I see. So, anyway, the brats are gonna be arriving soon. Once they're all here, there'll be an assembly in the amphitheater. Make sure to wear some earplugs, its gonna be _loud_. Anything else?... I don't think I've got anything else to say, dammit, should have written this down!"

"Make sure you're ready for tomorrow's classes?..." Annabeth prompted from behind her.

"Oh! Yes! Tomorrow's classes, be ready for them!" Sage said with pride, as if she'd thought that up all by herself.

"Assembly dismissed! Go do whatever!"

* * *

"It can't be that bad," Piper said to Jason as they walked arm in arm to the amphitheater. "It's just a bunch of teenage girls with too much spare time on their hands. How messed up can they be?"

Jason sighed. "From what I've heard, pretty messed up. I mean, you've read some of these. Remember that one with you and the Weibo Sue?"

Piper shuddered in agreement. It was so creepy someone obsessed over and idealized her like that!

"Still," he continued, "Knowing what's about to happen, I kind of have to feel bad for them."

* * *

**I hope everyone's In Character! It would be quite humilating to be mocking bad fanfic writers with an OOC cast!**

**I'll try to give all your SYOCs at least a cameo, but some of them unfortunately were not up to snuff. They just weren't bad enough. **


	3. Chapter 3

**...Would you believe me if I told the reason I was late was because I was sick with the Wuhan Flu? No? Well, I hope y'all are healthy too!**

* * *

Amy came to consciousness slowly. The first thing she noticed was the slick feeling of the sleeping bag she must have passed out on top of. Hopefully she didn't have any classes today, because she wap- wait. That wasn't right. She didn't have a sleeping bag! Amy's eyes snapped open to find a two devilish face staring back at her, their skin a sickly white, dark circles around the pyschotic, impish eyes. She screamed and jolted upward, smacking her head against the ceiling, which was only two and a half feet above her. The two demons shrieked as well and fell out of sight, landing with a loud thump out of her sight.

Amy realized she was sleeping on a triple bunk bed in some dark communal bedroom. All around her other girls, many of them looking similar to the two who had woken her up, were also jolting out of their cramped beds in a strange mix or terror and glee.

"What the fuck?!" Amy cried in confusion. Where was she?! Had she been kidnapped?! Oh my God she'd been kidnapped! She scurried down the ladder of the bunk bed. Her movements felt gawky and awkward. Now she was face to face with the two girls.

"I know right?! This is, great!" The taller one with the long nose said. Amy looked at her in disbelief. What was wrong with this girl?! Well, she was a goth, obviously, so that's one thing.

"Great?! Great?!" Amy winced slightly as her voice cracked. "This isn't great! This is terrible! I've been kidnapped, shoved in a room with a bunch of dumb teenagers and... oh God, I think I have an essay due today!"

"Um, we all signed up for this, normie. And you're the same age as Janet, so check your privilege!" The short one with the longer hair responded, cocking her hip in a sassy-type pose.

"Are you blind?" Amy snapped in disbelief. "Clearly I'm a colle-" suddenly, she saw a mirror at the end of the hall. She froze and, began to walk towards it as if in a trance.

The face opposite hers in the mirror was her own, but not the one she'd grown used to. That pimply skin, that bushy, almost unibrow, that long, stringy hair. She'd fixed all of that her senior summer before heading off to college. They were back. She screamed as she looked at her hands, her fingernails covered in chipped black nail polish.

Amy Meyers, college junior, was once again 16 years old.

Her mind was blank, completely devoid of rational thoughts. Heart pounding terror permeated her brain as she mentally broke. She had a flashback to the last night and the strange quiz she'd taken. She'd wrote down she was Cathy. She'd wrote down she was 16. She'd thought it was a joke, but here she was!

"Oh God oh God oh God oh God..." Amy sank to her knees as she muttered. Everything was wrong. Was she dreaming? Was she dead? How could this happen?! Oh God oh God oh-

"You mean oh _gods._" Chirped the smaller goth. Amy jumped to find her standing over her, looking down with overly painted bug eyes. From her new angle on the floor, Amy noticed she was wearing an orange Camp Halfblood t-shirt and jeans that clashed hideously with her gothy makeup. In fact, everyone in the cabin was wearing orange, including Amy herself. A fresh wave of panic came over her. Had someone undressed her while she slept?!*

Minigoth didn't seem to notice. "I'm Madelyn! And I'm a lesbian!" Somewhere in the back of Amy's panic addled brain, she registered that as a weird introduction.

Madelyn bent down until her face was right next to Amy's. "And you're Cathy, cause it says so on your bed. Are _you _a lesbian?"

"No..." Amy managed to distractedly squeak out. So she was right. It _was _a case of mistaken identity! Ok, calm down. She can work with this! It's fine! She'll just go to whoever's in charge of this psycho place and tell them it's all been a mistake!

And speaking of which, the door slammed open, revealing a disgruntled looking boy with longer, jet black hair, _not _wearing the Camp Halfblood T-shirt, surprisingly.

"Hades Cabin," he spitted out these words with complete and utter disdain, "it's time for orientation. I'm the cabin counselor, Nico di Angelo. That's "d-i", space, "Angelo", not "Dangelo". Sage says we should start teaching you grammar early. Now everybody get out and go to the amphitheater."

Immediately, most of the cabin rushed over, squeeing with joy at meeting their hero, including Madelyn the Lesbian and long nose Janet. Amy was at butt-level, so all she saw were over a dozen pairs of ill-fitting jeans try to storm the kid, only to be driven back by some unseen, shrieking horror.

"No stampeding staff members! Ampitheater is down the road, not next to me! Move!" the now shaken gaggle of fanbrats obeyed and tromped out of site to the unseen amphitheater. All except Amy, who remained motionless with shock. 10 seconds of silence passed before Nico seemed to notice a stray brat and marched over.

He was nothing like the image painted by . If you were to judge the appearance of book characters solely from what the fanbrats said, Nico was a total emo hunk, super hot in that pale, sexy, damaged sort of way and at least 16 years old. The real Ghost King was tiny, barely as tall Amy and couldn't have been older than 14, and while he certainly looked damaged, it wasn't hot in the slightest. He looked absolutely psychotic, with shattered, tired, crazy eyes and really sallow, unhealthy skin. His clothes were dark and older looking, an aviator jacket over a collared shirt, adding to the feeling he didn't belong in the mortal realm. The only place Nico would look natural would be in a haunted house, devouring the souls of visitors along with Annabelle and the Flying Dutchman. And now that grim, cadaverous gaze was fixated solely on her. Amy gave an involuntary shiver.

"Hey, you..." he checked a roster sheet he was holding. "Hogwood. Get up and move. You're late."

"Ex-excuse me , but t-there's been a horrible mistake," Amy began, taking a deep breath and getting to her feet and moving towards Nico. "You see, I'm not actuall-" She must have crossed some invisible boundary, because in a flurry of feathers and shrieking, a miniture monster stepped out of nowhere. It was truly hideous. The thing was barely 3 feet tall, it's emaciated, body covered in thick, black skin with scraggly black feathers peaking out where body hair would be on a human. but it definitely wasn't human. Instead of a nose, there was a mangled beak, and it's arms ended it bat wings, rather than hands. It bared it's teeth, still bloody from last mealtime at her, and shrieked again. It's cry sounded like a human in agony.

Amy scrambled back and out the door instantly, no longer concerned with clearing her name, down the gravel road, to be swept up in the crowd up people heading for a large, open air structure in the distance.

* * *

**Part of my inspiration for the Minifuries was the Fireys from Jim Henson's _Labyrinth_. Y'know, those messed up little red things that pop up out of nowhere to dance in front of a crappy greenscreen and light themselves on fire and also take off their own heads and toss them around like footballs. Y'know, for kids!**

**I intended this chapter to be far longer, and include the actually Orientation (and I haven't proof-read too well...), but I realized how far behind schedule I was a decided better to post a shorter chapter just to give you long suffering people _something _within what is technically March! Sorry.**

***No. **


	4. Chapter 4

**"Ugh GAWD, Quarantine is so BORING. Why isn't there anything to do?!"**

**"Well, Sage, you could work on the next chapter of OFA and maybe get out quality work in a timely fashion?"**

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha, good one! No, I think I'll take EVEN LONGER to post this chapter!"**

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**And now, a thank you to all the people who have reviewed, favorited or responded, because I forgot about that last chapter like an idiot:**

**MissFortunateGenius, SparklyMagix, KotlcExpert521, .horizon, Kurt50Alien, AnotherAnonymousPen, kenyizsu, LoverBoi2000, Ariadne Gabrielle Gazmen, HarmonyAngelGal, ZebraGirl202 and ImagineUniverse456.**

**Guest reviews (Any SYOCs will not have the whole review posted):**

**Whaddya Think: Thanks for your submission! I hope you were happy with how she was portrayed in the first chapter. Since you forgot to add a lot of information, like Godly Parent and Lust Object, I had to make stuff up myself.**

**Aizze: I am so grateful to you for sparing me the grammar nightmare! Janet is hilarious, can't wait to use her!**

**Guest: "I want you to know that I am making a F**K YOU artwork for moon daughter SOME time soon" Uh... thanks.**

**Aitty: I am so sorry, I wish I could have accepted your character, but unfortunately Miria is not a bad enough writer to be an Academy student, and honestly comes across as kind of... Sueish herself. She will be used, though!... You'll see (and hopefully won't get pissed).**

**HOI: Thank you for the crazy Yaoi Weeb! **

* * *

Amy trudged down the row of cabins numb and dazed. It was like her brain was on autopilot now. She no longer going to cry or panic. She had one goal, and that was to find whoever ran this waking nightmare and get back to the sane world. If she had been paying more attention she might have noticed the gorgeous scenery around her: the gently sloped hills of the verdant forest wrapped in thin morning mist, the assortment of unique and showy cabins, and the amphitheater itself, a massive cone of white marble covered in people like a picnic in ants, the stage backed by a perfectly framed view of the strawberry fields and the big house. The seats were set perfectly, so that even from far off in the crowded back, Amy could still see the stage. Unfortunately, well polished stone does not cushion the buttocks as well as it frames the stage. Amy had only been sitting in it for a minute when she started feeling the pain.

At that point, however, the screech of a poorly calibrated microphone distracted her from bottom pain. It was hard to tell from the distance, but standing on the stage was... some long haired ginger of indiscernible age tapping a microphone.

"Is this on?" she asked someone out of view, her tinny voice echoing throughout loud enough to make everyone wince. "It is? You're sure? You really sure? We're good? Okay!" she turned to the audience and waved. Even from the distance Amy could make out what looked like bags under her eyes. Who was this person? Rachel Dare maybe? She couldn't think of any other redheaded characters.

"So, hi, I'm Headmaster Sage Nicholson, that's 'ma'am' to y'all, and welcome to my Official Fanfiction Academy of the PJO Universe! Can anyone tell me why you're here?" A bunch of people began to answer at once, and "ma'am" cut them off. "RAISE YOUR HAND, dammit! You." She pointed to a kid in a dark hoodie near the front of the theater. He stood up and Sage tossed him the microphone.

"We're are here to suffer." He said, his voice low and gravelly, but perfectly audible from the back. "All of you have sinned, and now will pay for your crimes in blood." A girl next to Amy began to cry "We are already dead! We-" he was cut off as a minifury snatched the microphone back for Sage.

"Ok, yeah, that's enough, Remark." Sage gave him a stink eye before returning to her speech. "This is summer school, not the Inquisition. Y'all are here because you have committed Crimes against Fandom. I'm not gonna beat around the bush here. You are the worst of the worst. Frankly, I'm not even sure your writing is redeemable! But since even the worst fanfictioners deserve a _shot _at redemption, you've been sent here to try and earn your Fanfiction License before we officially declare you hopeless."

"This is so unfair!" Someone whined. There was a ripple in the audience as a tall, angular girl with unnaturally red hair shoved her way up onto the stage. "You can't make us write the way you want to! We should be free to write the stories that we want to! Fanfiction is for fun! Do you know why I write? Because I'm trapped at home all the time and I'm in an arranged marriage to someone I hate and fanfiction is the only escape I have!" Gasps of sympathy and agreement rang out through the audience. Even Amy felt a twinge of pity for the melodramatic girl.

"No you're not." Sage said with utter apathy. The tall girl turned to her. "Excuse me?!"

"You're not in an arrange marriage. This is 21st century America. Arranged marriages aren't even legal. And even if they were, you're not in one, Mary Fletter."

"I'm not Mary Fletter! I'm Miria Elizabeth Flamorous! My family is rich and powerful and I've never known want but my life is controlled by my parents and I escape through my talents and also my true love Luke Castallan!" The girl cried hysterically.

"No, you are Mary Fletter, aka MiracleGirl, a 14 year old fanbrat from the Midwest. Your parents are nobodies and, judging by your attitude, far too forgiving, you have no talents or true love OOC Luke Castallan."

Mary or Miria, whichever it was, started stamping her foot on the stage and screaming. _Oh my God, _Amy thought as she watched, _she throwing a temper tantrum in front of everyone. _

"But this is a fanfiction academy, we get to be our original characters! I wanna be Miria! I wanna be Miria" she screamed and started banging on the ground. Sage watched in disgust for a few moments before a minifury diligently descended and roughly tossed the screaming fanbrat back into the audience.

Sage sighed tiredly. "Well, I was going to start off by talking about all the fun activities we had planned for you, but apparently, it's essential y'all wake the f&% up first. First off, yeah, you should write whatever horrible stories you want to, but by God, if you are going to publish them for the whole internet to see have some f***ing dignity!

Second of all, We will tolerate none of that escapist bullshit here. I don't know where this nonsensical idea of students in OFAs becoming their characters came from. In fact, you are here to _stop _inserting yourself into your characters. If you don't snap out of your self-absorbed nonsense, you are going to loose your License to Fanfiction, and you will never be able to get on a or AO3 account ever again. Yeah, pout all you want, but try anything funny and I'll boot you out of here faster than you can whine 'efff off, flamerz!'.

Third of all, you are not going to hook up with a canon character here. You are never going to hook up with a canon character. They're not interested in you. Keep that in mind when I introduce the canon staff in a few seconds."

An electric hush fell over the crowd. The canon characters! Percy, Annabeth, Thalia. They were real! They were going to be on stage in a few minutes We were going to meet them all! Even Amy felt a trill of excitement.

The staff walked out, and all hell broke loose.

* * *

**Will Amy ever escape from this nightmare? Can Sage and the canon characters control 200 lustful fanbrats? Does anybody even care? Find out next time on: _The Official Fanfiction Academy of PJO- Procrastinating and Judging Obnoxiously!_**


	5. ANOUNCEMENT AND APOLOGY

**Ok, so, I know, I should have had a chapter up by now. My unofficial hiatus has been way too long. I'd love to make excuses for my absence, but I know I shouldn't. Truth is, I only started writing Chapter 5 on June 1st, and I'm nowhere near done. It's not fair to y'all to keep you waiting, writer's block or no writer's block. Luckily, I pre-wrote the first chapter of the Moondaughter 2 Spork. I'm posting that for now. I'd give you a date for the next OFAPJO update, but I don't have one.**

**Again, I am so sorry. **


End file.
